Tuesday, August 30, 2016

What Happened?

Well, yesterday was the day.  The first full day of my life with all my children in school full time.  Just like that the day came and left. 

We woke up late, of course.  The kids were all over tired from our big wedding weekend.  Griffin didn't have his lunch packed....Molly's shorts were too short and I made her change...Lanie and Abbie wanted their hair braided. 

This kept me busy in the morning.  I didn't really have time to process what was happening.  I am positive God knew I needed that.  

Thanks to my mom (Oma) the kids all sported their new first day of school clothes and shoes.

and just like that....they left me....home...ALONE. 

Where has the time gone?  I went back this morning and looked at pictures from past years of the first day of school.  Look at how much they have all grown up.  

It happens.  They grow up.  

While I have been struggling with letting them grow up, I am also super excited for this new phase of life.  I was watching a mom unload kid after kid today in the parking lot.  That was me, just a few years ago.  I don't know how I made it, but I did.   I could only smile as I watched that mom walk in with her 4 small children who seemed just as close as our are.  I remember being that mom.  My role has just changed now...I am still a their mom.  

My visions of my first day home alone were nothing like I had built up in my head.  There was no cheesecake factory.  In fact I woke up to find out that I had run out of my supply of the daily contacts I wear.  That left me wearing two different types of contacts in each eye which made my vision a bit interesting!  I ran errands, went for a short run, showered and just like that it was time to go back and get the kids. 

Everyone had a great first day of school.  Homework came home and memory has started.  Just like that.  

I am so excited for this school year.  I have an 8th grader....what?  The kids have all been blessed with some of the most amazing teachers on the planet and I couldn't have more trust and faith in them to partner with me and help these crazy kids of mine to turn out semi decent.  

I  am excited to see what God has in store for me in this new phase of my life too.  For 14 years my focus has been on getting the kids to this point.  I know we have a long way to go with them, but I am ready to find myself again.  To make a difference in the world.

I know  I am only on day 2 of being home alone...and it feels weird today.  I am enjoying the peace of the moment for now!  

and just to help me remember how far we have come....this is what life looked like for us just a few short years ago.  I sure do miss those days, but I am so glad to be entering this new phase!  For all you moms out there still in this phase....take one day at a time.  One day you will be me, looking back and wondering where time has gone!  

Monday, August 29, 2016

Let what God has joined together...no man separate.

I know you are all waiting by your computers, checking my blog to see if I survived my first day of being alone.  No kids to feed lunch to.  No kids to pick up after.  

Well, that will have to wait until tomorrow's blog.  I wanted to post some pics from our family wedding this weekend.  Dan's sister, Lisa, got married on Saturday.  The wedding was beautiful and it was nice to see Dan in a shirt and tie! 

 The kids were super excited to attend the wedding and Lanie made the most adorable flower girl...like ever.  Can you believe I got her dress for $24???  Yup, sure did!

 We are so happy for Lisa and TJ and can't wait to see what God has in store for them.  Maybe the ywill have 8 kids ;)
 It really was a great day to see family we haven't seen in a while and just be together as a family.  The kids have never been able to have endless amounts of kiddie cocktails so they loved that!

It made me think about our wedding day so very many years ago and how much things have changed.  What a great day and thankfully the rain held off for the ceremony and pictures!  I only could snap a few shots because the real photographers were there to do their job!  

I am so proud of my little baby girl.  She was so brave and so adorable!  I won't mention that we may have had to go to the mall after the rehearsal dinner to look for a dress for myself....or that we had to go to Kohl's 2 hours before the wedding to buy Dan a white shirt and a pair of dress shoes....and then try and figure out how an iron works.  Just keepin' it real!

Thursday, August 18, 2016

I thought I was ready....I think I thought wrong.

14 years.  Fourteen years.  For FOURTEEN YEARS I  have been dreaming about this day.  Let's call it what it is (or what I thought it was going to be) FREEDOM.  Today is the year that all of my children will be in school full time.  I won't lie.  I have been dreaming about this day more than once.  Ahhhh, what will I do when they are all in school?  I can run errands by myself.  I can grocery shop alone.  I can go to Maurice's and try on clothes without having kids poke their heads under the changing room door.  I can go to lunch with friends.  I can eat at the cheesecake factory at least 2 times a week.  I can exercise whenever I want.  Oh, the possibilities are endless.  My house will be clean.  I will have home cooked meals waiting every night in the crock pot.  I will have my life together enough that we will have a sit down family dinner every night and do a devotion together as a family.  Our kids won't fight because they will not have seen each other all day and they will just want to hug and kiss each other all night long.  Dan will bring me home flowers every week because I am doing such a great job at being his wife and running the household.  I mean for reals....this is the stuff I thought was going to happen when all my kids would be in school full time.  I could watch the Price is Right and fold laundry.  The dog would be trained finally after 2 years of peeing and pooping all over my house.  I would craft the day away making gifts for teachers and friends.  All would be well with my soul.
 And then it happened..... Griffin's 4K teacher came last week for a teacher visit and BOOM....I am now a mess.  I want the past 14 years back.  I don't want them to go back to school, but I secretly do because they are driving me crazy and eating all our food, but then I love every minute I get to spend with them, except when they are fighting or tattling on each other....and on and on.
On Monday my life will look a whole lot different.  My youngest starts school.  Full time.  I want to be happy for him.  I want to be excited that I will have some "freedom." However, deep down inside I am gonna be a mess.  He gives me kisses all day long.  He begs me for food all day long.  He asks me to play cars with him or go to Piggly Wiggly to get coins.  He is ALWAYS by me.  On Monday, he won't be anymore.  

The week after he starts school, the other 6 will go back to school.  What am I going to do on Monday the 29th of August?  That day is the day I have been longing for, for 14 years.  That day has now turned into the biggest day I am dreading.  My house will be empty.  I am going to miss them all like crazy.   I'll be honest, it will take me a couple of weeks to miss the constant nagging for food and snacks...but I will grow to miss it too.  The thought has crossed my mind "Just pull them all and homeschool them."  Sadly they wouldn't get really much school that way as Mommy would be in a corner sucking her thumb...so that really isn't an option for me.  

How do you let go of your life in one day?  Everything I have known for the past 14 years is going to be gone in one day.  A chapter is closing on me.  I know you other moms have done this ahead of me.  I know it is possible.  I know I will find a new normal.  

If you see an overweight mom crying uncontrollably on the floor of either of the two schools my kids will be at, it will be me.  If you see a mom holding on to the handles of the door while the teacher is trying to close the door, it will be me.  If you see a mom smothering her 4 year old with kisses on Monday and telling him to not grow up...it will still be me.  If you see a mom walking aimlessly around Oconomowoc looking like she is lost with red eyes....that would be me.  

Bare with me as I try to start a new chapter of my life.  This "freedom" I thought I wanted I don't think I want anymore.  I just want to change diapers and complain about how messy the house is.  

Stop growing up already.  I just wanna be your mommy.  

Monday, August 1, 2016

Apples and Oranges....a tale of two girls 13 months apart.

 When Dan and I met in high school we always said we wanted to have 6 kids.  All girls.  If you would go and find our senior wills or whatever they were called...or wherever they keep them...you would find that written down on my "will."  I believe I wrote under the "plans for future":  Marry Dan Wilke and have 6 kids, all girls.  Well, 19 plus years later, here we are.  We didn't quite get to 6 girls, but we did get 5 and man oh man are they all different.  Our first two children came about 16 months apart.  Both had a tinge of red hair and pale skin.  When Sadie (our 2nd) was only 6 months old we were surprised to find out that #3 was on the way.  Insert Abbie.  She was born 6 weeks early and came out at 21 1/2 inches long with olive skin.  I did get to hold her for just a few seconds before she was whisked away to the NICU.  If Dan hadn't have gone with and made sure she was "tagged" as ours, I might think she got switched at birth!  (I am kidding....this kid looks exactly like her daddy!)
 So here we have two girls, 13 months apart and different as can be.  However the bond that they have is amazing.  Last night I did a refresher course with the woman who taught me how to actually use my camera.  We went on a photo walk with our cameras and the 2 girls.  At first I was only going to bring one, but I am so glad I brought them both!  I told them to get dressed in something that represented them.  Abbie packed her ballet shoes and wore a dress with a pig necklace...and Sadie went with her chuck tailors and a fringe sweater.  I told you...apples and oranges.
We practiced using lighting and shade.  Talked about what backgrounds to use and which to stay away from.  

 We came across a new favorite spot of mine!  The girls had so much fun just being themselves.  I secretly think they felt like celebrities.  They laughed and giggled and it was so nice to be there as a photographer but mostly as their mom.
 Abbie is full of grace.  Poised and delicate.  Sadie is full of spunk.  Quirky and hilarious.
 Sadie is highly competitive and will try anything while Abbie is cautious and lacks in confidence.  If Sadie can't do something she will have a darn good time trying to do it and make fun of herself while doing it.  Abbie will rarely try something new and excels in what she does know how to do.

Abbie...full of grace.

Sadie...full of spunk. 

 At the end of the day it is amazing to see how different they are.  13 months apart and complete opposites.  However, they have a bond.  Not just the 2 of them, but all the girls.  They love each other.  They play together.  I hope that never changes.  My prayer for them is that even when they move on to their separate walks of life that they will always remember this bond.  I kinda feel bad that I didn't get to capture this moment with all the kids...but I am really loving the pics of just the 2 of them.  I can't wait to pair up 2 more kids and go back and take some more pictures!  I think this was a night for us all to remember!