Thursday, May 12, 2016

Weight Loss. The good, the bad and the U.G.L.Y.

Before I blog about trying to lose weight....I have to brag.  My nephew, Jonathan, played the role of Edna (from Hairspray) 2 weekends ago at Concordia University.  If you are unfamiliar with "Hairspray" the mom was played by Jon Travolta in the recent movie production.  Well, Jon Travolta has nothing on my nephew.  Not only did he have to dress in heels, wear a wig, and act like a woman...he had to sing.  And...man, I mean woman... can he SING!!!  He was amazing.  I had the privilege of being able to see him two times and loved every minute of it.  God has blessed him with some awesome talent.  Better yet, he has the heart made of gold.  The kids just loved seeing him up on stage and I am pretty sure Griffs and Lanie were mighty confused on the entire situation!  Sorry if you are offended by our picture....his bra was filled with bedsheets!!!

Ok, onward.  Here's the skinny...or the fat.  Whatever you want to call it.  So my baby turned 4 in December.  I still am carrying the baby weight of having 7 kids in 9 years and was disgusted every time I would look in the mirror.  I have always had a self esteem issue and being over weight sure doesn't help.  I could ramble on and on about what I don't like about myself.  However, I am trying to see myself that way that God sees me.

A few friends and myself decided we were sick of our weight issues and we were going to do something about it.  One friend is doing a strict no sugar diet and looks amazing.  Me?  No sugar?  Well, that is a little too much to ask of my cookie loving self...so a group of us joined weight watchers.  We joined the week in between Christmas and New Years.  Along with joining weight watchers I started exercising.  My friend and I would set a time to meet every day to work out.  When I wouldn't want to go I would have to because she would be waiting for me.

I joined WW for the 3 month deal and then cancelled my membership.  Don't get me wrong..it works...we are just pinching pennies and, frankly, I know what to eat and what not to eat.  If we had endless cash flow, I would still be doing it.  I would recommend it to anyone.

It hasn't been easy.  The first 3 months my friend and I would be working out and looking at all the skinny people at the gym and wonder when it would happen to us.  We walked.  We biked.  We rowed.  We crunched.  We ran.  We lifted.  Little by little we started to notice a change.  It has NOT been easy.  I would say it hasn't been fun either....but it IS working.  No special pill.  No weight loss shakes.  No fasting.  Just watching what I put in my mouth and exercising.

I have my good days and I have my bad days.  Yesterday was a HORRIBLE day.  Let's just say I purchased a huge bag of peanut butter M & M's from Sam's Club and ate a few too many.  I also like to eat cookies.  I ate cookies yesterday too.  When I get super stressed....which I was yesterday....I eat.  I shouldn't do it and I KNOW better...but I still do it.  I spend a lot of time in the car driving kids here and there....that helps because I am not home snacking!

For 2 months I had to wear the dumb foot boot.  I won't lie....I almost used that as an excuse to give up.  How can I lose weight while wearing a boot on my foot?  I found what worked for me (an elliptical) and I stuck to it.  I self diagnosed myself and took the boot off (It wasn't helping!) and am back to running.  Now, I hear all of you moaning..."I am NOT a runner."  Well, let me tell you... I am NOT a runner either.  It took months and months of walking and slow slow slow jogging to start running.  I wouldn't even say my run is a "run."  Dan's walk is as fast as my run pace is!  I have worked my way up to 4 miles at a S L O W pace.  I am talking like 10-11 minutes a mile.  So maybe I should say I am a jogger.  Real runners blow right past me.

For me it is all in my attitude and my head.  I don't know about you, but my mind plays games with me.  It is stopping to refocus...pray... and move on that works for me.  So I had a bad day yesterday....I could let it get me down or I can move on.  I decided to move on.  I got my butt out of bed this morning and headed out for an early morning run to get it out of the way.  Do I enjoy it?  Yes and no.  I wouldn't say I enjoy exercising...but when I am done it really does make me feel better.  Again, it's all in my head.

In one month Dan and I are getting away for our 15th wedding anniversary.  My goal was to be a size 10 for our trip.  It's not going to happen.  I have two options...let that get me down.  Mull on the fact that maybe I didn't exercise enough or be mad at myself for eating too many cookies.  OR I can be proud of what I have done so far and keep working hard.  I would say I am right in between those right now.  Proud of what I have done, but mad I haven't done better.

I still don't like my picture being taken.  I semi like the way I look...until I tried on swimming suits last weekend.  My legs and stomach need A LOT of help.  In time.  One day at a time.

I don't write this to brag or pat myself on the back.  I have worked hard.  I write this because I have realized through this that we are all the same.  We all struggle with something.  For me, it's my weight.  For other is could be self esteem, confidence, addictions....or really anything.  At the end of the day we need to overcome our brains and focus.  I will sometimes pray through my run....or pray for self control.  Surrounding myself with a group of friends has been helpful too.

I have a long way to go.  I don't want to be a stick...but I do want to not see cottage cheese when I look at my legs and I would like to send my "joey" pouch away (that is what I call my stomach!).

One day at a time.  One day at a time!

1 comment:

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