Thursday, September 3, 2015

Am I Inadequate?

 Today's topic is brought to you by my low self esteem.  And you're welcome for that!

Sigh....the last few days I have struggled with feeling inadequate.  Let me explain.

Inadequate as a mom:  Ha!  Where do I even begin with my struggles on that one?  I yell at my kids.  I make them clean the house, A LOT (if you ask them).  I make them fold the laundry.  I don't let them watch normal TV or listen to secular music.  I won't give my almost 12 year old a phone or an iPod touch.  I occasionally make them match.  I make them keep their rooms clean.  Should I go on?
 Inadequate as a wife: Well, there is a lot to this one.  I look at the other mom's at my kids school and see how skinny and pretty they are.  I wish I was that for my husband.  I put him on the back burner more often than not.  Our dates consist of going to the grocery store or a craft store.  I won't rub his back because the thought of his dead skin flaking off on my hands freaks me out.  His jaw clicks  and I normally can't sit by him when he eats because I hate the sound of chewing and jaws clicking.  Should I go on?
 Inadequate as a friend:  I think I text people back and I don't.  I don't call as often as I should.  I don't show my love for them as often as I should.  I forget everyone's birthdays and then remember two days later and still do nothing about it.  Should I go on?
 Inadequate as a pet owner:  Our dog is still NOT trained.  He pees in my craft room almost daily.  I won't empty the cat little because let's face it, it's disgusting.  I cringe when I go into the chicken coop because it smells like chickens.  We have 2 bunnies and I have only held them once.  Our cats run from me because they know I will put them in the basement.  
 Inadequate as a world traveler:  The past week I sat at ballet class twice and listened to the other parents talk of their world travels.  One family was going to Ireland, one just came back from Greece, and one was going to Disney for 14 days.  How does one sit there and not feel inadequate as a person and like a failure in life when they aren't traveling the world?
 So, I could go on and on about my inadequacies.  I am sure we all have them.  And then I look back at these pictures and realize that I am totally not inadequate!  (Is that correct English...probably not!)  Will we be world travelers?  No.  Will our dog ever be trained?  I'm gonna go with a no on that one.  Will our kids get iPods and phones?  Yes, they will.  At the end of the day none of that stuff matters.  What matters most is what awaits us in Heaven.  Am I living my life to shine the love of Jesus or I am getting caught up in what we have or don't have?  We have been blessed with these beautiful children and there is no way God would have given them to us if He thought we were inadequate.  That doesn't mean I don't have some work to do, but it DOES mean that I am more than enough for HIM!
I can't let you skinny pretty chicks bring me down!  I can't let stepping in dog pee bring me down!  I can't let my oldest being the ONLY one in her class without an iPod bring me down!  I will continue to live each day the best I can, continue to pray that God does a mighty work in me, and I will try to sit next to my husband when he eats without giving him "the look."

From my adequate life to yours...I love you all!  And, if you text me and I don't answer...try again.  And...Happy Birthday to everyone out there for the next year!

1 comment:

  1. Susan, I love your honesty..... I love seeing the kids in their matching outfits, Gymboree.. happy to know I wasn't the only one who made them all match!! You have a beautiful family... I am 51 and Bryan is 54 and we have NEVER left this country we do not have passports!!!! We have only traveled alone to MN, IL and Door County! My girls have to be 14 to have a phone and a job to put $60 towards the phone bill! Molly and Gracie have never have an Ipod touch! Annie paid for her own and Lyndsey never had one!