Thursday, October 16, 2014

God is working on me, I know.

This week has been amazing.  This week God has worked in my heart BIG time.  This week God has done some major refining in me.

Dan and the kids help lead worship at church sometimes.  One of the songs they sing is "God is working on me."  (you can listen to it here - sorry for the poor quality).  It's not really the poor quality video or hand motions that matter, it's the lyrics.  I have listened to my kids sing this a million times.  This song is on Lanie's playlist that we listen to over and over again in the car-along with every Frozen song!  How many times have I listened to this song, but not really listened to it?  God has totally been working on me.  I've undergone a transformation.  God is working on me, I know.

This past week God has shown me time and time again that He is in control.  God intervention #1 this week:

Our realtor that helped with the sale of our old home and the purchase of our farm house sent me a devotion that she read.  Listen to this:

"We went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance." Psalm 66:12b

For you, O God, tested us; You refined us like silver. You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs. You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but You brought us to a place of abundance (Psalm 66:10-12).

God's economy of abundance often has little to do with material blessing. In God's economy, abundance is often measured in wisdom and knowledge of Himself. It is then that we are truly blessed. Wisdom cannot be gained through intellectual pursuits. Wisdom comes only through experience. Real wisdom comes from the kinds of experiences that come only through the deepest tests. Lessons of refinement, including prison accompanied by burdens, lead us through the fire and water. This is the territory that must be traveled to reach that place of abundance. It would seem strange that a loving God would use such means with His children. What we often fail to realize is that God's measuring stick is the character and likeness of Jesus Christ Himself in each of us. This cannot be gained through a life of ease and pleasure. Ease and pleasure fail to refine.

Is God using your workplace to refine you today? Has He placed you in a prison or laid burdens on your back? Take heart if this is the place you find yourself, and realize that if you are faithful through the tests, you will enter a place of abundance that few will ever attain. The darkest hour is just before daybreak.

Ummm, Wow.

God intervention #2 this week:

On Tuesday mornings I attend a mom's group.  We listen to a speaker and then break off into small groups to discuss what we just heard.  I love listening to speakers because I would love to be one, one day.  The only problem is that I don't know what I would speak about.  I have prayed that God would open that door at some point in my life, to be able to share with other women and moms about something.  I know He is at work and this is all part of His plan!

Anyways, the speaker spoke on the "what ifs" of life.  Now if you know me at all, you know I have a very low self esteem.  I just do.  I am working on that and through that.  The speaker asked for us to write down our biggest "what if".  You know what mine was?  "What if they are talking about me?"  "What if they don't like me?"  "What if people don't really think we deserve help?"  "What if they don't really know me/us and judge us?"  Uh huh....that is my biggest concern in life.  What people think about us.  Do you know how much wasted time I put into caring about what people think about me/us/our family?  A lot.  And I am overcoming that.  The speaker was spot on...she said, "stop worrying about the uncontrollable."  Duh.  Hello.  I can't control what people think.  I can't control what people say.  It doesn't even matter.  What matters is that one day I will stand before my maker and be held only accountable to Him.  It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks/says about me and my family...the only thing that matters is what God thinks.

Don't worry about the Unimportant, the unlikely, the uncertain, and the uncontrollable.  Ha...easier said than done.  Remember, God is the God of the universe.  Look at what He has done in the past.  Your battle belongs to HIM! feels so good to know that, doesn't it?

God intervention #3 this week:

God has surrounded us with an amazing support system.  Plain and simple.  People that hold us accountable.  People that snap of out of a funk.  People that start a fundraiser for us without even knowing it.  Lorena and Jennifer started and fundraiser up and we didn't even know it was happening.  Lorena has been a friend of mine for many years.  She is one of the reasons we are where we are.  I just met Jennifer about a month and a half ago.  I don't really even know that much about her...but I know she is an amazing person and I can't wait to get to know her better.  (Jennifer, let's plan a have forever changes our lives and I can't wait to know more about you and your family!) God has provided me with a very caring and loving mom and with wonderful co-workers that have walked many a rough roads with me.  He has provided us with family and friends that love and care about us.

To be honest, when the fundraiser began, we didn't know what to expect.  We felt somewhat undeserving.  There are many people in the world that have far worse problems than not having heat. We know that.  We feel uncomfortable.  We feel weird.  We feel underserving.  And then God stepped in again.  When sharing those thoughts with a few people this week, God has brought so many things to light.  My sweet friend said, "Susan, you have been a blessing to so many people, I know it's hard, but now it's time to let people bless you."  That has been SO hard.  One of my Pastors had told me one time, "it's great to be a giver, but you have to learn how to just have to."  Slowly over the course of the past week, Dan and I are learning how to receive.  We don't give/help/bake things/do things/ offer to help others because we want anything in return.  We really do enjoy helping people and that fills our buckets.  We know it is our time to be on the receiving end, but, man, I can't wait to be able to be on the giving end again!

God intervention #4 this week:

So all this is good, right?  God is refining me...God is faithful...God will provide.  Then I hear about a conversation that took place.  A conversation that I let get into my head.  And how simple it is to slip back into the "what ifs".  Then I have to place my focus back on God-turn my thoughts to Him.  Let go of the uncontrollable.  Stand firm.  Stand firm knowing that I only am accountable to my maker.  I have to stop seeing more of what is wrong than what is actually right.  There are always going to be people that will say things or do things...that is between them and God.  I am here, standing firm, trying to walk as best as I can with the Lord, knowing He is in control of my life.

I am not going to proofread this...I know....I never proofread.  These are the words that have come from my heart and I just typed them.  I fear if I proof this that I may want to change and refine things.  Right now the only thing that needs change and refining is me.

Refine me God.  Use me to do your will.

We don't have words to express the past week.  We really don't.  Thank you just doesn't do any justice.  What I can say is that our family has been forever and ever and ever changed.  We are beyond grateful for all the love and support we have received.  I have felt God more this week than I ever have.  My eyes are focused on Him.  Thank you from the depths of my soul.  Thank you for believing in our family and answering God's call to pray for us or donate.  We are hopefully going to be getting heat the 1st or 2nd week in November.  Praise God!  Seriously, what an awesome God we serve!

1 comment:

  1. Susan, you an such an eloquent writer, I love it! You are so honest and transparent. Thanks for that! Our family loves you and we are blessed that you have come into our lives but more importantly into our daughter, Annie's life. I prayed for just that, someone who she looked up to, to witness to her about a Godly marriage and trusting Him with all things. Thanks for that.