Monday, September 29, 2014

It's been a rough week

No pictures, No smiling kids, No fancy crafts...just me and my thoughts.

Peace Be Still....and know that I am God

The last week has been a really hard week for me.  Like one of the hardest weeks I have had in a really long time.  I cried more this past week then I have in a really long time.  I try to hold my emotions in and be "on" most of the time, but this past week I couldn't do it.  I broke down on the phone multiple times with people and had to step away from a conversation with a random stranger in my house because I couldn't handle what he was telling me.

Peace Be Still....and know that I am God


Without going into details, Dan and I received some bad news this past week.  Something to do with our new to us yet very old farm house we just purchased.  I feel dumb.  I feel stupid.  I feel taken advantage of.  I feel lied to.  I feel angry.  I feel hurt.  I feel used.  I feel confused.  I feel scared.  I feel lost.  Did I say I feel angry?  I know being angry isn't healthy.  I know being angry is my flesh.  We took all the right steps when we purchased the house.  We hired people to look at things we knew nothing about.  We hired the wrong people.  That is what is hard for me.  If we would have hired someone else I wouldn't be writing this blog right now.

Peace Be Still....and know that I am God


I know God has a plan.  He always does.  I know He wanted us in this house...that was clear as miracle after miracle happened and prayer after prayer was answered.  Being still and trusting in God's plan has been the hardest.

Peace Be Still...and know that I am God


I hate, hate, hate confrontation.  If you know me, you know I avoid it at all cost.  The thought of it makes me sweat.  I had to make a phone call this week and could hardly breath.  The guy probably thought I was a nut job.  I had prayed for calmness the whole day knowing the conversation was going to happen.  As soon as the phone rang, I lost my breath and panicked.   I even wrote out everything I wanted to say.  He called during the middle of dinner prep and I had nothing.  Nothing I wanted to say I said.  I keep revisiting that phone call in my head.  What if I had said this....surely he would have offered to help.  What if I would have threatened this....surely that would have helped.

Peace Be Still...and know that I am God.


It's super hard to figure out what God is doing here right now.  We have to do something to fix the problem or we won't have heat.  What we need to do isn't "fixable"...it simply just needs to be replaced.

Peace Be Still...and know that I am God.

What is going to happen?  Where will we find/get/borrow the money from?  Should we keep fighting for justice or let it go?  Should I get another job?  Should Dan get another job?  Should we sell the new house we fell in love with?  Should we run away from it all and crawl in a hole and cry?

Peace Be Still...and know that I am God.

I am not asking for pity...I am not asking for help....I just need you to pray that we can have Peace..and Be Still.... and when I forget, remember that God is God.  He's got this.

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