On Monday my life will look a whole lot different. My youngest starts school. Full time. I want to be happy for him. I want to be excited that I will have some "freedom." However, deep down inside I am gonna be a mess. He gives me kisses all day long. He begs me for food all day long. He asks me to play cars with him or go to Piggly Wiggly to get coins. He is ALWAYS by me. On Monday, he won't be anymore.
The week after he starts school, the other 6 will go back to school. What am I going to do on Monday the 29th of August? That day is the day I have been longing for, for 14 years. That day has now turned into the biggest day I am dreading. My house will be empty. I am going to miss them all like crazy. I'll be honest, it will take me a couple of weeks to miss the constant nagging for food and snacks...but I will grow to miss it too. The thought has crossed my mind "Just pull them all and homeschool them." Sadly they wouldn't get really much school that way as Mommy would be in a corner sucking her thumb...so that really isn't an option for me.
How do you let go of your life in one day? Everything I have known for the past 14 years is going to be gone in one day. A chapter is closing on me. I know you other moms have done this ahead of me. I know it is possible. I know I will find a new normal.
If you see an overweight mom crying uncontrollably on the floor of either of the two schools my kids will be at, it will be me. If you see a mom holding on to the handles of the door while the teacher is trying to close the door, it will be me. If you see a mom smothering her 4 year old with kisses on Monday and telling him to not grow up...it will still be me. If you see a mom walking aimlessly around Oconomowoc looking like she is lost with red eyes....that would be me.
Bare with me as I try to start a new chapter of my life. This "freedom" I thought I wanted I don't think I want anymore. I just want to change diapers and complain about how messy the house is.
Stop growing up already. I just wanna be your mommy.