Friday, September 30, 2016

Where do I even start?

 I am trying to figure out where to begin.  The past month has been a whirlwind here at the Wilke Farmstead.  Life changing things have happened.  I don't know how else to say it, but it has been crazy here.  Crazy good.  Crazy bad.  And plain Crazy.

For starters, I began a new full time job 3 weeks ago.  I haven't worked full time since before I had my first baby almost 14 years ago.  This decision carried a lot of weight in my heart.  At the end of the day, God opened all the right doors to make this even an opportunity.  He closed door after door all summer for me leaving me feeling inadequate.  He knew all along.  I doubted.  So here I am, the Director of Children's Ministry.  The adjustment has been kinda easy kinda hard.  I have a big job.  A lot to do.  A lot of weight on my shoulders.  One day at a time.  One day at a time.

On the same day I was introduced as the new Director, my one ballerina got her very first pair of pointe shoes.  The smile couldn't have been bigger that day for her!  Her teacher was so patient with her class and even taught them how to sew their own shoes.  She is loving it!  I secretly want to go buy a pair of pointe shoes...and I just might still do that.  I would love to get back up on pointe!  

I now have two ballerina's dancing with the Milwaukee Ballet.  Lanie started pre-ballet III and is loving it as well!  

Oh...and BIG NEWS....Abbie will be in the Milwaukee Ballet's Nutcracker again this year!  She made it!! YAHOO!!

 2 birthdays came and went here faster than we could process.  Lanie turned the big 6 and Dan turned the big 35.  I may have had them share a cake :(
 Sads started her refereeing career this fall.  She looks adorable in her gear, but is an even better ref!  She is working with U-8 girls and is loving it!

 I had the awesome opportunity to take Fridays at the Farm on the road to Lake Geneva.  I did a pallet session for a bachelorette weekend for a sweet group of ladies.  It was so much fun and nice to take it on the road!

 I wanted to give you an update on our farm life as well.  We added 10 more chickens to the mix here.  We have lost a few of our "older" ones.  One got attacked by a hawk, one died and smelled up our garage like you wouldn't believe and one disappeared.  One day in passing I said to Dan, "hey, we should probably think about getting more chickens at some point."  The next day he left an invoice on my desk for 10 chickens.  Lesson learned. We have a fat orange cat that keeps all the critters away and a long haired cat that sleeps with the kids every night.  We currently are nursing a 2-3 week old baby kitten back to life as well.  We have a salamander living somewhere either inside or outside of our house as well.  I almost stepped on it barefoot one day and may have freaked out.  I question every day my ability to live here at the farmstead.

Griffs has adjusted to school and so have I.  I went on his first field trip with him last week to the Fire Station.  Let me tell you, that little sweet boy of mine is a social butterfly.  I can't believe the change that has happened in that sweet baby boy.  

 My mom took us apple picking last weekend.   We went to Peck and Bushel which is an organic apple orchard near us.  The girls had a blast picking apples!
 Volleyball season has begun.  The 2 oldest are playing on the same team and then we have one on the 5 & 6th grade team.  I love to watch them play.  I love to line judge almost as much as watching them play!
 I keep getting the amazing opportunities to take pictures as well.  I super super love to take pics.  It makes my heart happy.  I am so grateful that people trust me enough to capture memories for them!

There is so much more I could go on and on about.  Dan and Molly went away for a week together to South Dakota for her 8th grade class trip.  This happened the week I started working full time.  Mamma was a little stressed that week.  We pulled through...barely.  

Life is good.  Life is hard.  Life is crazy.  We are taking it day by day.  We are learning.  We are growing.  We are eating a lot of chocolate...well some of us are!  

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

What Happened?

Well, yesterday was the day.  The first full day of my life with all my children in school full time.  Just like that the day came and left. 

We woke up late, of course.  The kids were all over tired from our big wedding weekend.  Griffin didn't have his lunch packed....Molly's shorts were too short and I made her change...Lanie and Abbie wanted their hair braided. 

This kept me busy in the morning.  I didn't really have time to process what was happening.  I am positive God knew I needed that.  

Thanks to my mom (Oma) the kids all sported their new first day of school clothes and shoes.

and just like that....they left me....home...ALONE. 

Where has the time gone?  I went back this morning and looked at pictures from past years of the first day of school.  Look at how much they have all grown up.  

It happens.  They grow up.  

While I have been struggling with letting them grow up, I am also super excited for this new phase of life.  I was watching a mom unload kid after kid today in the parking lot.  That was me, just a few years ago.  I don't know how I made it, but I did.   I could only smile as I watched that mom walk in with her 4 small children who seemed just as close as our are.  I remember being that mom.  My role has just changed now...I am still a their mom.  

My visions of my first day home alone were nothing like I had built up in my head.  There was no cheesecake factory.  In fact I woke up to find out that I had run out of my supply of the daily contacts I wear.  That left me wearing two different types of contacts in each eye which made my vision a bit interesting!  I ran errands, went for a short run, showered and just like that it was time to go back and get the kids. 

Everyone had a great first day of school.  Homework came home and memory has started.  Just like that.  

I am so excited for this school year.  I have an 8th grader....what?  The kids have all been blessed with some of the most amazing teachers on the planet and I couldn't have more trust and faith in them to partner with me and help these crazy kids of mine to turn out semi decent.  

I  am excited to see what God has in store for me in this new phase of my life too.  For 14 years my focus has been on getting the kids to this point.  I know we have a long way to go with them, but I am ready to find myself again.  To make a difference in the world.

I know  I am only on day 2 of being home alone...and it feels weird today.  I am enjoying the peace of the moment for now!  

and just to help me remember how far we have come....this is what life looked like for us just a few short years ago.  I sure do miss those days, but I am so glad to be entering this new phase!  For all you moms out there still in this phase....take one day at a time.  One day you will be me, looking back and wondering where time has gone!  

Monday, August 29, 2016

Let what God has joined man separate.

I know you are all waiting by your computers, checking my blog to see if I survived my first day of being alone.  No kids to feed lunch to.  No kids to pick up after.  

Well, that will have to wait until tomorrow's blog.  I wanted to post some pics from our family wedding this weekend.  Dan's sister, Lisa, got married on Saturday.  The wedding was beautiful and it was nice to see Dan in a shirt and tie! 

 The kids were super excited to attend the wedding and Lanie made the most adorable flower ever.  Can you believe I got her dress for $24???  Yup, sure did!

 We are so happy for Lisa and TJ and can't wait to see what God has in store for them.  Maybe the ywill have 8 kids ;)
 It really was a great day to see family we haven't seen in a while and just be together as a family.  The kids have never been able to have endless amounts of kiddie cocktails so they loved that!

It made me think about our wedding day so very many years ago and how much things have changed.  What a great day and thankfully the rain held off for the ceremony and pictures!  I only could snap a few shots because the real photographers were there to do their job!  

I am so proud of my little baby girl.  She was so brave and so adorable!  I won't mention that we may have had to go to the mall after the rehearsal dinner to look for a dress for myself....or that we had to go to Kohl's 2 hours before the wedding to buy Dan a white shirt and a pair of dress shoes....and then try and figure out how an iron works.  Just keepin' it real!

Thursday, August 18, 2016

I thought I was ready....I think I thought wrong.

14 years.  Fourteen years.  For FOURTEEN YEARS I  have been dreaming about this day.  Let's call it what it is (or what I thought it was going to be) FREEDOM.  Today is the year that all of my children will be in school full time.  I won't lie.  I have been dreaming about this day more than once.  Ahhhh, what will I do when they are all in school?  I can run errands by myself.  I can grocery shop alone.  I can go to Maurice's and try on clothes without having kids poke their heads under the changing room door.  I can go to lunch with friends.  I can eat at the cheesecake factory at least 2 times a week.  I can exercise whenever I want.  Oh, the possibilities are endless.  My house will be clean.  I will have home cooked meals waiting every night in the crock pot.  I will have my life together enough that we will have a sit down family dinner every night and do a devotion together as a family.  Our kids won't fight because they will not have seen each other all day and they will just want to hug and kiss each other all night long.  Dan will bring me home flowers every week because I am doing such a great job at being his wife and running the household.  I mean for reals....this is the stuff I thought was going to happen when all my kids would be in school full time.  I could watch the Price is Right and fold laundry.  The dog would be trained finally after 2 years of peeing and pooping all over my house.  I would craft the day away making gifts for teachers and friends.  All would be well with my soul.
 And then it happened..... Griffin's 4K teacher came last week for a teacher visit and BOOM....I am now a mess.  I want the past 14 years back.  I don't want them to go back to school, but I secretly do because they are driving me crazy and eating all our food, but then I love every minute I get to spend with them, except when they are fighting or tattling on each other....and on and on.
On Monday my life will look a whole lot different.  My youngest starts school.  Full time.  I want to be happy for him.  I want to be excited that I will have some "freedom." However, deep down inside I am gonna be a mess.  He gives me kisses all day long.  He begs me for food all day long.  He asks me to play cars with him or go to Piggly Wiggly to get coins.  He is ALWAYS by me.  On Monday, he won't be anymore.  

The week after he starts school, the other 6 will go back to school.  What am I going to do on Monday the 29th of August?  That day is the day I have been longing for, for 14 years.  That day has now turned into the biggest day I am dreading.  My house will be empty.  I am going to miss them all like crazy.   I'll be honest, it will take me a couple of weeks to miss the constant nagging for food and snacks...but I will grow to miss it too.  The thought has crossed my mind "Just pull them all and homeschool them."  Sadly they wouldn't get really much school that way as Mommy would be in a corner sucking her that really isn't an option for me.  

How do you let go of your life in one day?  Everything I have known for the past 14 years is going to be gone in one day.  A chapter is closing on me.  I know you other moms have done this ahead of me.  I know it is possible.  I know I will find a new normal.  

If you see an overweight mom crying uncontrollably on the floor of either of the two schools my kids will be at, it will be me.  If you see a mom holding on to the handles of the door while the teacher is trying to close the door, it will be me.  If you see a mom smothering her 4 year old with kisses on Monday and telling him to not grow will still be me.  If you see a mom walking aimlessly around Oconomowoc looking like she is lost with red eyes....that would be me.  

Bare with me as I try to start a new chapter of my life.  This "freedom" I thought I wanted I don't think I want anymore.  I just want to change diapers and complain about how messy the house is.  

Stop growing up already.  I just wanna be your mommy.